Wednesday, January 8, 2014

If Only More Were Clowns

It felt later than six o’clock.  Surely it was closer to noon, and the unseasoned eggs at which I was picking should certainly have been a food more suitable to both the tongue and the time.  But no, it was six o’clock in the AM, dad said so; I merely felt chronologically displaced because we had awoken so very early and I was not used to doing so.  Early indeed!  At one in the morning the annoying bird outside my window was still dreaming of his early worm.  I most definitely should not have been awake!  But, I did not really have a choice.  Little sister insisted on coming at an ungodly hour, and Mom and Dad had rushed her three siblings—myself included—out of their beds and into the car, with nothing to pacify them except a box of dry cereal.  So here I was, picking at fake food when I was starving for real sustenance, and trying not to drop dead into my grits.  It had been a hard night, but it was worth it.  At least, it was supposed to be.  A new baby is always supposed to be worth it, right? 
                Shoving my plate of rubber-and-plastic food away, I looked about the hospital cafeteria.  There was no one in it except for myself, my father, my brother, and my oldest younger sister, who was still a baby herself.  We had been the only living things in the dreary, eerily quiet room for the past half hour.  Nothing except the sound of the littlest eating and our breathing had marred the silence, and now on top of being comatose tired, I was exceedingly bored.  Oh, no, wait…here were some fellow humans…
                A troupe of elderly men entered the cafeteria, served themselves at the counter (a cafeteria lady had magically appeared) and seated themselves three tables over.  They were dressed in blue overalls and sported white tags.  Not a one was a day under sixty.   I turned my sleepy attention back to my plastic-filled plate, only to look up again as a shadow fell over me.
                “Are you going to be here for a few more minutes?”
                I looked up at the old man, who had come behind me to address the above query to my father.  His face and hair were thin, the skin about his mouth marred with fine lines.  His eyes were of the palest blue, and sparkled like the water they resembled.
                “I think so,” my father replied, nodding at my sister, who was shoveling her eggs into her mouth as though everyone in the room was intent on stealing them off her fork at a moment’s notice.  “We are waiting for the little one to finish.”
                The man’s face brightened, his smile grew larger.  “I’ll be right back,” he said, “I’m going get my balloons!  They are downstairs in the pick-up.  I’ll just be five minutes.”
                As I stared at him in surprise, he walked out of the cafeteria with an energy that did not suit a man of his years.  “I’ll just be five minutes!  You wait here!” was his parting refrain. 
                I tried to imagine what the old man was up to, but could not conceive of anything.  His fellows were still at their table, nibbling away at their food.  Did they even notice he was gone?  Probably not.
                In less than the predicted time, he was back, carrying a little dark blue bag.  Placing it on the table right next to us and pulling up a chair for himself, he said proudly “I used to be a clown.  Yup, I’m a professional clown.”
                What a lovely thing to aspire to, my fourteen-year-old self mentally remarked, sarcasm as thick as mayonnaise slathered on a sandwich.  My little sister, however, was quite excited by this declaration, especially when she saw what the retired clown was pulling out of his bag: a little pouch filled with brightly-colored balloons just waiting to be inflated.  A small air pump followed and in almost no time the old clown was pumping air into a long pink balloon.  In rapid succession, he constructed a black wiener dog and a pink poodle.  She was delighted with this new pair of pets, and happily absorbed herself in making them trot across the tables and chairs.  I was intrigued now.  I certainly did not know how to make figures out of balloons, and paid close attention as he taught my brother to twist the fragile latex into a bright red parrot.  Okay, that was cool.  It would definitely be neat to learn how to do that…and then my eyes went from the parchment-like skin that covered his hands to his face.  His eyes were sparkling like a toddler had poured an entire bottle of glitter into them.  He talked the entire time he turned those uninteresting, ordinary balloons into fanciful creatures and funny flowers. 
                “Are you listening to this?” he asked my sister as he taught her his trade.  “You’ll be quizzed on it later!”
                “Do you have a sharp knife?” he inquired of a passing cafeteria lady.  “My finger is caught in this balloon and I cannot get it out.  I will have to cut it off.”
                Every time he made such a joke, he would look around to see who had heard it and who was amused by it.  There were more people in the cafeteria now; many did hear, and smiled at his open, frank manner and kind expression.  And he grinned right back, not unlike a kid himself.
                In between his jokes, he conversed with my father.  I learned that he usually volunteered at the hospital on Mondays and Fridays but that he was there on that particular Tuesday because his wife had been admitted that night.  He was going to go visit her in a minute, as soon as he was done showing the little ones his balloons.  By the way, did we want his balloons?  And his how-to books?  And his pumps?

                “I’m going blind, and I’m allergic to latex.  I don’t need them anymore,” he said.  Eventually, my sister finished consuming her eggs, and we had to leave.  The old man gathered up his belongings, assuring us that we could keep what he had made, and left to return his things to his truck.  As I watched him leave, his step slower than before, I thought that he was a very nice man.  He made a good clown, always trying to make others happy, his only concern seeing the smiles of children before he could see no more.  And I wondered what had made me think his was a profession to scoff at, and why I could not be a clown myself.  

-February 2008

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